From The Heart

Hello friends! I started this blog as an eager newlywed who wanted to be able to journal every aspect of this untrodden journey. If you are a regular reader, thank you for putting up with my rambles and grammar mistakes. If you are new to the blog, welcome! Today, I want to use this post to jot my thoughts of how things have changed within the past few years, what I have learned from these changes, and how I can apply them to the future.

Life has taught me some pretty funny things lately. I have learned that the big kid world is tough, but very rewarding depending on how hard you work in order to be successful. I am the type of person who analyzes everything while I strive to make most of the situations around me perfect. However, I am learning that sometimes the things that I try to change end up changing me for the better. I tend to believe that this new chapter I am living in life is the best chapter yet. As newlyweds, we are beyond happy and content with where we stand, and I really cannot ask for anything more than that in life. It is truly simplicity at its best.

 

 

First, I believe one of the biggest  things I have learned within the past few months is that relationships come and go. I do not care who you are, how old you are, how mature you think you are, or how close you are with someone-- every family has its weirdos and every friendship has its faults. Any relationship that may look perfect on the outside definitely has buried hidden factors. Recently, I have realized that what screws me up the most is the picture I have of how things are "supposed" to always be when in reality relationships are no where near similar. Also, I have learned that I can not be held accountable for the mistakes or flaws of others, nor the negative outlook others cling to in spite of all the positivity that may surround them. It has been hard to try to keep in touch with so many people, especially when there is dysfunction evolving everywhere in our culture. Specifically, I believe this dysfunction is caused in part by the ease of social media. However, I feel as though the reason relationships come and go so often is because of the breakdown of communication. Social media makes communication easy and one sided, but the same goes for other methods of communication, too. This responsibility to uphold relationships found within social media is daunting and can be a huge burden no matter the situation or relationship. I am learning that one person alone cannot be expected to maintain a relationship.Often times Tony reminds me that I cannot be the only person involved in a relationship and that I cannot make someone want to stay in touch with us. This is such sad news to admit, but as he says "the truth hurts."

Getting married and moving back to my "home" state where I grew up has taught me a lot during this chapter of drastic change. Regardless of distance, time, or money, within the past few months I have learned which relationships in my life represented all of the wrong or right reasons. I have confronted fears from the past, said apologies, rekindled old friendships, and dismissed relationships that were hindering my life since moving home. The relationships that have remained faithful instead of criticizing or analyzing how we make each day work genuinely care. It is an wonderful feeling knowing that I have a few true supportive relationships regardless  of the choices I make. On the contrary, it is extremely disheartened to know that only a few in the crowd that surround me are positive influences. While some in our crowd of friends and family are fake, hypocritical, or jealous, I have learned that I would rather surround myself with a few supportive relationship, rather than a large group of people who support me for all the wrong reasons.

Secondly, another life lesson that has taught me so much consists of being around peers within the community that I hardly even know. I have tried to get involved, but I will admit that it is very difficult and defeating at times. I have witnessed first hand how people are so quick to judge as soon as they know that I am married. So many people underestimate the power of a student and a married woman. I used to be one of those people who was so quick to judge. But now, my perspective for judging others has changed 180 degrees in the opposite direction. Being on the other side of the fence can be tough, but I think my skin has grown thicker with every questions asked by those who are nosey and immature.

I understand that we all grow and change in due time. Times change and people change. In essence, it is what life is all about. If we never grow or change then we will never experience new opportunities. But, through these very changes I have learned that I do not want to be a person who represents a double standard. There are way too many of these types of people in our world today and I certainly do not want to be associated with them.

I think it is safe to say that I have really come out of my shell (In both, good and bad ways). I have caught myself saying things to people that I used to only think to myself. Most of all, I have learned to pick myself up and keep going even in the midst of adversity and a world that is majorly fake and in need of Jesus. I have learned to live life for the moment and to enjoy the journey regardless of all the blah in the world. Regardless of friends and family who let you down. Regardless of peers who judge you professionally. Regardless of double standards. Regardless of the people who use and abuse you. If I cannot laugh about it, learn from it, and work through it enough to allow it to roll off my shoulders then change does not profit my well being in this world.

Just the other day a friend and I were discussing how quickly we had to grow up. I learned really quick after our move to Louisiana that life was not going to be handed to me on a silver platter. After high school I was so caught up in trying to figure out who I was and where I was going. I knew that I no longer wanted to live the life I had while attending Patrician because I was worn out and run down from being involved in too much and trying to please too many. I found that it was necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that I was carrying around heavy baggage that I no longer wanted to follow me (nor did I have to continue to carry).

During Freshman year of college, often times I was so caught up in trying to make it through each day that I was not appreciating the journey. Then, transferring to LSU from SELU after my first semester really opened my eyes. Although life was tough as a full time student working two jobs, I knew that there was more to life than simply going through the motions. I quickly realized that I wanted to experience life and all that it had to offer, not just what I was accepting of life each day. Applying these lessons from our move, to college, and now to marriage, I have learned that life is not about finding myself. I am not supposed to be trying to figure out who I am, yet I should enjoy the journey with what I have and those who surround me.

 "The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies. No excuses. No one to blame. The gift is yours- it is an amazing journey and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. When you realize this, this is the very day your life really begins."

Having said all of this, I cannot totally be committed to embracing these new changes I am experiencing in life while still re-reading the last chapter and analyzing the details. I will never forget the hurt felt by some of the lessons I have learned. I am a product of change. I have witnessed first hand the good and bad from changes. However, lately good things have come from the lessons I have learned. As a believer, I am determined to be happy in whatever situation I may be. For I have learned from experience that the greater part of my happiness is based upon my dispositions and not the circumstances present.

 

I truly am thankful for all that I have been blessed with, those I have met within the past few months, all that has been lost or gained through change, new opportunities, experiences from living life, apologies given after years of hurt, and so so much more. Life is tough, but it is very beautiful depending on how you look at each situation and its particular circumstances. However, I must add that no matter how tough life may be-- it all has purpose. I trust that the Lord has a reason for allowing things to happen and I will continue to trust His will because I know that He is sovereign in all things.

I want to enjoy every single one of the changes and lessons I am learning in this new chapter in every way possible. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the inspiring, and even the not so glamorous moments. Through it all, I want to continuously remember to thank the Lord for making it all possible- even if it hurts at times. I am learning to embrace life in a positive manner despite the negativity that surpasses. With all my heart, I believe that there are far better things ahead than any I have left behind. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you will be criticize anyway."

Life is about creating myself and enjoying the journey. It is what it is.

If you have taken the time to read this post in its entirety I applaud you. Happy Friday! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Until next time, happy blogging!